Reviewed by Aaron Horn, LMFT
Every relationship is different. There are monogamous relationships, ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationships. All of these types of relationships can thrive and be equally as healthy. In some relationships, people sleep in different bedrooms even after getting married or living together, where in others, a couple shares a bedroom. Some people are long-distance, whether for part of the year on an ongoing basis, or for the entirety of their relationship. Other people live together or live in the same area. These are all healthy differences. There are other things, however, that aren’t healthy in any case. Those things would include cheating or stepping outside of the relationship, any form of abuse, including emotional abuse, and a lack of communication. Are you wondering, “Is my relationship healthy?” This article will include a healthy relationship checklist, as well as a link to the Mind Diagnostics relationship health quiz, that can help you find the answers you’re looking for.
Am I In A Healthy Relationship? Healthy Relationship Checklist
Here are some questions to ask yourself to see if your relationship is healthy.
Do You Communicate Effectively?
We’ve all heard that communication is one of the most essential things in a relationship, and it’s true. If you can’t communicate, you won’t be able to work together to solve problems, and you won’t be able to express your feelings to each other. Do they listen when you talk, or do they brush you off? Are they cold toward you, or are they warm and caring? When there’s a problem in the relationship, do they blame it on you, or do you work together? If you feel like you and your partner aren’t communicating effectively, or even just as well as you could, counseling can help.
Do You Have Mutual Respect?
Mutual respect is essential in a relationship. Signs of respect in a relationship include healthy communication, support, affection, individuality, autonomy, and respect for each other’s boundaries. If you have mutual respect in a relationship, things like extreme jealousy, volatile arguments, name-calling, and controlling behavior will not be present. Your partner will respect you by considering your time, your feelings, and your side of things. If they don’t, couples counseling can help. However, if the disrespect is severe and causes you to feel bad about yourself, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.
Are You Able To Be Your Own Person?
In a healthy relationship, you’ll be respected as an autonomous being. Yes, you’ll work together, but you’ll work together as the two individual people that you are. You’re a team – not the same person! Your partner shouldn’t dictate how you look, how you dress, or who you’re “allowed” to affiliate with. If you feel like you’re able to be yourself as an individual, and if your partner respects your own goals, judgment, intellect, and growth, it’s a good sign. If a partner doesn’t see you as an equal or as equally intelligent, it’s a problem.
Is There Affection?
There are many different kinds of affection, and how affection presents in a relationship differs from person to person. The important part is that affection is there. Examples of affection are saying, “I love you,” giving you kisses and hugs, considering your feelings, and making an effort to make sure that the relationship’s loving and healthy. If you feel that there’s no affection in your relationship or notice that your partner withholds affection, it’s a bad sign. If they’re cold and blame it on you, saying, “everything would be fine if you changed/if you were different,” it’s time to look for a change. Especially if they’re critical of your appearance or blame their lack of affection on how you look, it’s time to make some changes. This is a massive symbol of disrespect, and you don’t need to take it – full stop.
Is There Trust?
Jealousy and anger are two things that can strain or destroy a relationship. Control is even worse. If a partner gets jealous or doesn’t trust you to hang out with your friends, tries to separate you from friends or family members, or crosses personal boundaries due to jealousy and is suspicious of you without reason, it’s a problem. Cheating and infidelity aren’t okay. However, if a partner’s jealousy and lack of trust run the show continually, there’s a big problem. If there’s no trust in a relationship, it’s important to go to couples counseling or work together to build trust. If you can’t, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.
Do You Feel Supported?
When you’re going through something hard, does your partner support you? What about vice versa? Do you consider and listen to each other’s feelings? As long as it isn’t harmful, your partner should support what makes you happy, and they should be one person that you can go to for support during challenging times. A supportive partner will say, “that’s great!” when you pass a licensure exam or college test. They’ll be happy for you when you get a promotion or finish an art project you’re proud of. An unsupportive partner might say something like, “anyone could do that,” or an equally unnecessary or unsupportive comment. Additionally, when you express your feelings, say that you want to go to therapy, or ask to talk to them about something going on with you or the relationship, they’ll be supportive. A healthy level of support isn’t the same as overreliance. You want someone who’s there for you, and you want to be there for them.
Do You Feel Safe?
If there’s any question about your safety, it’s a red flag. Don’t ignore it. If you’re looking up, “abuse in relationships,” or “abusive relationship quiz,” there’s likely a problem. Remember that there’s more than one form of abuse. Emotional abuse, physical abuse, and financial abuse are well-known types of abuse that can occur in romantic partnerships. Visit loveisrespect.org to learn about warning signs of abuse and healthy relationships. There is no excuse for abuse.
If you’re worried that your relationship could be abusive in any way, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or use their webchat option to talk to someone now.
Controlling Relationship Quiz
Here are some signs of a controlling relationship:
- They attempt to distance you from close friends or family members
- They’re jealous of your friends and family
- They check your phone constantly, without reason
- They tell you how they want you to dress or look
- They tell you if they “disapprove” of how you dress or look or even tell you that you “can’t” wear a particular item of clothing, do your hair outside of the way they prefer it, etc.
- They treat you like a child or infantilize you
- They treat you as though you’re less intelligent or verbally criticize your intellect
- They blame everything on you and tell you that if “you changed” or if you “were different,” the relationship would be fine
If any of the signs above are true, your partner may be controlling.
Toxic Relationship Quiz
Here are some signs of a toxic relationship:
- Controlling behavior
- Yelling or raising one’s voice
- Lying or dishonesty
- Infidelity or cheating
- A lack of respect
- Frequent arguments
- A lack of communication
- A lack of affection
If your partner is inconsiderate toward you, that the relationship is making you feel down when you wouldn’t typically, or if the relationship has caused you a great deal of stress or pain for quite some time, it’s time to take a closer look. When someone refuses to talk things out or go to counseling for these problems, it’s a problem.
If there are problems in your relationship, if you see signs of disrespect, control, or toxicity in your relationship, or if you worry that your relationship is unhealthy in any way, couples counseling can help. To find a couples counseling, ask your doctor for a referral, see what your employee assistance program offers, if applicable, call your insurance company or visit their website to see what they cover, or search the web for a couples counselor or therapist that takes your insurance. You can also get couples counseling online through a website like BetterHelp. If you’re struggling to find a provider, don’t hesitate to use the Mind Diagnostics provider search tool in the upper right-hand corner of the page. You deserve to have healthy, happy relationships.
Take The Relationship Health Test
Are you wondering if you have a healthy relationship? The Mind Diagnostics relationship health test is not a replacement for seeing a mental health professional or mental health expert, but it can give you some insight into the question, “am I in a healthy relationship?” If there’s any question as to if your relationship is healthy, taking the test could also be your first step to reaching out for help. Relationship quizzes are there to give you insight and cannot stand in the place of couples counseling or professional advice, guidance, or support.
Click here to take the Mind Diagnostics relationship health test.