When I began working with Greg about a year ago, I was in a tough place emotionally. I was a 33 year-old living with my parents, unsure about my career trajectory. I felt ashamed about my circumstances - my lack of savings and income, my being single, my dependence on my parents, etc. I was constantly comparing myself to wealthy friends with wives and children, who fit a more traditional definition of success.
The first thing that struck me about Greg was how genuine he was. My only other experience in therapy, a few years before, had left me unsure whether therapy was right for me at all. My therapist would ask questions but would reveal nothing about herself. If I asked her how her weekend was, she’d respond with her own question. Nor would she offer advice.
In contrast, I’ve learned a good amount about Greg. He’s always been willing to answer my questions, even using his own experiences as examples. Because he’s so open, I feel very comfortable revealing things about myself I don’t mention to anyone else. And sharing these private thoughts with someone so knowledgeable and incisive has helped me immensely.
Greg’s approach with me has been straight-forward. I feel like he’s working with me, rather than on me. It seems his first order of business has been to get my private thoughts out into the open so we can understand them. I first became aware of the power of thought during COVID lockdown when I worked with a cognitive behavioral therapist. He said that if we could just replace our thoughts, then our feelings, actions and circumstances (in that order) would follow. I bought the fundamental principle. However, he also asserted that at any time someone could simply replace an unhelpful belief with a new, self-serving one. That step seemed a bit too easy. Sure, we could choose a thought we’d rather have, but willing it to replace an older thought with decades of roots seemed superficial.
Greg had an alternative approach which I’ve found far more effective. One of the first misconceptions he dispelled was the idea of good and bad thoughts. Rather, every thought and fear exists to serve us somehow. For example, in ancient times social anxiety kept our heads off hostile tribes’ spears. Only by undertanding the purpose behind our current thoughts can we begin to dismantle them and sprout new ones.
Before working with Greg, my mind felt like a dark, messy room. I had a vague idea of what was in it but no idea why. I struggled to make decisions because, in my mind, my choices so far hadn’t worked out.
Today, my circumstances haven’t changed much, at least on paper. I’m still living with my folks, I’m still single, and there isn’t much in my bank account. But after a year of consistent work, the lights in that room are on and I’m sorting through the clutter. I’m beginning to understand how my needs and wants differ from those friends I’d compared myself to. I feel better about my past choices, more confident in my decisions moving forward, and happier where I am currently. I also like myself more. Granted, I’ve always liked certain things about myself. But I can’t remember the last time I liked myself intrinsically. I think it’s come through this process of understanding. When I didn’t understand my thoughts, I deferred to others — saw myself through their lens (or however I imagined it). With new understanding, I feel like I’m taking back agency and experiencing life more directly.
I look forward to my sessions with Greg. We often talk about philosophy, psychology, biology, art, history, morality — you name it — and it won’t even feel like therapy. And yet I’ll come away with some new, relevant understanding. There’s still work to do, but there’s no one I’d rather do it with than Greg.
